College, and what I'm learning it actually means

So... you're born. (yay! everyone has cake but you because your little mouth and stomach can't handle those solid foods!)

Now, as is inevitable, you start to grow both physically and in cognitive capacity. You learn the language your parents know, the values they have, the religion they hold, their political views, their opinion on what foods to eat, what your body image should be, and how to conduct yourself in public.

You go to school (or are home-schooled and then find friends somewhere else...). Now you have play-dates, and learn other parents styles/values/diets/religion/language/politics/social graces.

You start dating. You learn intimacy and communication and elation and urges and compromises and boundaries and fear and rejection and run on sentences... Also how to deal with these.

Then, if all goes well and you go to college, you learn that pretty much all of this is very narrow sighted and small.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, I don't think that I've gained any brand spanking new insight, nor is this information that hasn't been said a billion ties before, but I do find myself in a very unique situation that has afforded me polarizing views in both senses.
I go to a primarily male school and this leads to objectification of the few women who are here. I am in a sorority, and we often find that we are looked down upon because of our chromosomes.. The term used at my school is R.I.B.S. (ratio induced bitch syndrome) where men think that women feel entitled to things because if there is less to compare us to, so that must mean we think we are more attractive. But the same goes for the other way "there are so few women, so I'm definitely the best he's going to find... were so much better than the ladies at the all girls school down the street anyway." It goes both ways, and both ways of thinking are equally incorrect, BUT ALSO EXTREMELY PREVALENT AND EASY TO FALL INTO.

I think this is really strange, because college brought with it a massive influx of ideas and cultures. People from all over, not just your high school hometown, are coming, sharing their stories, ideas, values, language, diets, politics etc. and we as college students are free and encouraged to try them all! This is the best time to find yourself, so why do we have any prejudice against anything?

Yes, you should have core values, but this is a good time to make them. This is when you find out what is really important to you and are basically molded by your professors and friends. My boss, my sisters, my current and previous roommates, a now ex-boyfriend (but still best friend) and two of my extremely feminist teachers (both males) showed me that the world is not as hateful as it seems, and that everyone has something to offer and probably more important than that, before you start offering anything, you need perspective. My time as a TA taught me that everyone's brain learns differently and everyone is adept at something and possibly lacking in other areas. My time as a secretary taught me that everyone's problems seem big to them, even if you know they aren't in the grand scheme of things.. and of course it is important to listen. My time as a roommate taught me to speak up for myself and know that respect doesn't come from a strong desire to not offend another person and therefore staying silent. My time in relationships taught me that sexual activity is OK to explore, (guys, I didn't explode after trying some things) as long as you're smart about it (which I also had to learn for myself). My job at a hospital showed me that when you look at us, male, female, young, old, thin, fat, single, married, gay, straight, rich, poor...  we all look the same when we have to have our abdomens sliced open to remove an abscess. So really, prejudice is dumb.


COLLEGE SHOULD BE TEACHING US THIS because even if you get all the knowledge, people skills are equally important both for maintaining relationships and functioning in society.

You should come away with this:

1) a feeling that someone has taught you something.
                      I hope this means academically, I really do. But I also hope it means culturally. I hope you went to Jewish club meetings and sat in on a sater. I hope you went to professors house parties and saw them as people. I hope you learned to play the banjo. I hope you tried a new sport and possibly sucked at it with your friends (or did really well and got a trophy!).

2) a feeling that you taught someone else something.
                      Again, totally I hope you helped a freshman understand that ridiculous problem by linearly graphing the duel function in differential equations (yes. I made that up. but it kinda works...) but I also mean I want you to invite friends to clubs that you enjoy. I hope you got a friend to come swing dancing. I hope you taught someone to eat a pomegranate. I hope you showed someone how to break into a building and get on to the rooftop of the bell tower where on a clear night, you can see the milky way (that one might be too specific... but I did it. come visit. Ill show you. There will be Pomegranates.)

3) a feeling that you did things that scared you.
                      I hope you failed a test. I hope you set up a meeting with a dean. I hope you got yourself a research project. I hope you wrote blog posts. I hope you sang for people, or kissed someone while you were drunk. Because, you'll be OK after all of it, and learn things about yourself.

4) the desire to make others feel good about themselves.
                     Thank people when they do good things for you. Go out of your way to make others comfortable. Ask about others lives/ideas/diets/religion/parents. Have some human decency please.

5) a self awareness.
                     Know who you are, and your strengths, and your passions and your short comings. Especially know your position (how the privileges you were afforded as a child led to your current social standing, which could be as simple as what part of the country you live in or if your family owned stock in Microsoft...)

6) a skill you are excited about.
                     At the core of it, college (university, or in my case, institute) is for learning things. School things. To get a job. Hopefully its a skill that when asked about it, you could enthusiastically talk for hours or write a 10 page post about what it is that you know and are going to do with it. If you're paying that much for college, you should want to get out of bed and go to your job and then come home fulfilled. That's the luxury you are paying for, so you should never loose sight of it.



You guys are really cool! Use this time to see through other's eyes and literally everything should be good to go. I guarantee it. (But not actually.)

TOTAL REPOST POST. I OWN NONE OF THESE once I started I couldnt stop. Its a bit silly

http://ryangoslingvspuppy.tumblr.com/ <= CREDIT AND MORE IMAGES HERE.

Who is more adorable? Honestly, the internet is a great place.

I had to...










































Lars and the Real girl reference! so sad!










more Lars...




This one is for Cara.

Oh man. The age old question of who is cuter may never be answered....

Things that have happened since you left.... And I miss you dearly.

1) I have a hole in my foot! Remember when we went to the city and I could barely step on my left heel? Yes, well.... The good doctor cut it out of my foot. so now I have a painful hole. It literally looks like a chunk of my foot is missing. I don't feel whole, with a hole. Bear with me.

2) I cut off all my hair! well, most of it. Its very short, and I LOVE it. Its so easy. And cute!

3) You have some competition for Shane's affection. Tim and Ed came over and fell in love. Even though they have dubbed him "Rufus Chesterfield the Third", he really took to them and really responded to them. They're both allergic to Bailey, so I'm good with my sassy man. I'm sorry to tell you this over a blog, but you needed to know.

4) I'm in love with Zachary Quinto. Which isn't fair because he's gay.... but still. Hes brilliant. If you have a chance and a stomach that can handle some gore and really realistic blood, watch American Horror Story: Asylum. Even though it stabs at religion and delves into science, psychology (and to a lesser extent, Aliens), the show has actually strengthened my faith. It reminds me of the love and perseverance that he has for us and wants for us. Its a marvelous show.

5) I've applied for 3 jobs! 2 as assistants interns at engineering firms (one is a civil engineering firm and the other is computer programming) and the third is at Anthony's Pier nine... yay food service. But I'm excited. and now I wait.

6) Miss you..

Now that my roommates are reading this, Im just going to make all of the grammar mistake that i can. see? Didn't capitalize that "I". Nor did I put an apostrophe in "I'm".

Take that Vicky.

Speaking of which, niether of you watch avatar the last airbender? HOW COULD YOU. That was the best thing ever. You love you're Twilight, and horror movies.... jeez. you jerks.

Im hurt on the inside.

THE INSIDE.

We should be studying for Chem anyway. well, not Vicky. you should just relax and rewrite all of this with correct grammer. and spelling. have fun. :p

You dont have to understand this. Just angry about IEA and Calc 1

That moment when your math teacher says: "y = 2 - x^2/4 bounded by the curves x = 0, y= 0, and x = 2, rotated about the y-axis taken with respect to y... hey. It looks like a muffin!"

It does in fact look like a muffin... A crudely drawn muffin, but I can see it. I just hate integrating volumes with respect to y. ESPECIALLY when I have to choose the line of rotation. I hated it in high school, and I still particularly dislike it. oh boy... this one on the elmo  now is even worse.... dangit. 

Other nerdy ramblings, MATLAB. why you no print my assignments???????? Also.. why you have no adj(A) command? or for that matter, a cof(A) command? It made it quite difficult to understand how to use MATLAB to find the inverse using the adjoint method. Oh well, determinants it is. That being said, I thoroughly enjoy linear algebra. I get it. I can do matrices, and identities, and Gauss-Jordan, and cofactor expansion, and duplicate column method... I GOT THIS. Ive joked to my LA that Im going to drop the CHEME major and have a major in theoretically analyzing linear algebra. I dont even know if that exists. He told me Id have a better chance of finding jobs if I majored in Lady Gaga. 

Touche Jon.

On a different note, I had a choice to make. There are 2 parties on Saturday night. Ill describe the pros and cons to both.
CASTLE: this one is like... in a castle. Its in downtown Troy, so thats a bit of a hike.. (-1) but the building is awesome (+1). It is a highlighter party. meaning, they throw florescent light on you and you glow in black light. YOU GLOW. (+5). that sounds awesome. Id be all multi-colored.. : ) However, Eddie cant go because hes going to the other one... so Id be going with Anik and Vicky. (-2 for not being with boyfriend)

CROWS: this one, Id be on a list. Like, I could be to the bouncer, "Its ok, my name is on the list." (+2) thats cool. This one Eddie is going to (+2) and its a theme party. The theme is... my favorite.. a 1920's speakeasy with a live swing band hired to play there (+5). I LOVE SWING. did I tell you Im probably going to be president of the swing dancing club next year? Ill go on that tangent after this. Cons include, alcohol. I dont drink at parties, but I know lots of people will and that will make legit dancing very difficult... so Id have to grind to live swing music. I dont know how I feel about that (-5)... 

So. based on the math, I should go to CROWS. (castle and crows are the names of the frats). but maybe I missed something/youll help me decide. please.


OTHER TANGENT. Swing!!!! Im in the Lindy hop/East coast swing club here on campus. It is so fun and there is a legitimate swing dancing scene in Troy. There is a club that holds a dance every Wednesday and some other places close by with live bands on Saturdays. Lots of fun workshops and teachers. Speaking of that.... I was asked to dance (at the club in downtown troy) by the best dancer at RPI. Hes so suave... and talented... and is teaching classes next semester. All my guy friends who come dancing with me say that they wish they were follows sometimes so they could dance with him. I had a fan girl moment to say the least. I saw him walking over and I was like "is this really happening? oh crap. it is. Act natural....." and then I did. and then we danced. And there are pics.
Right after I was asked to dance by the sweetest and coolest old man. He was cool. quote: "dont look at your feet so much... they wont leave your legs : )" 

Words of wisdom.

What else? 

Oh. weird things professors do. SO my IEA professor just randomly stops teaching in the middle of lecture. Says, "5 min break...." then proceeds to share a good joke with my TA. I dont know what it was.. but he just stops, lets us talk, and laughs for a bit. Then goes back to teaching. I love him. hes so cute. I ate my corn chowder in this time. twas delish.



Thats all Ive got for now. Ill send a video later. please get back to me with help on the decision. Thanks Meghan! or Meg Meg. Im channeling Sam. I miss her...........

Story time

*I meant to post this the other day... and then homework and schedules got in the way. Enjoy.*

I have no idea why this story has been replaying in my head for a while, but its becoming something that I think about often. So Ill share it. Maybe writing it down will get it out of my head. It also makes me think of Cookie for some reason... I think he told me this story first maybe? I dont know. But I feel as thought even if he didn't, I think Cook would like this story.

I personally love this photo of him. The man, the myth, the legend. It has been colorized, but it is really him. It captures his greasy hair, (the beginning of) his out of control beard, his intense slightly crazy eyes.. All of him.

Rasputin.

When I say that, some of you might think of this dude (if you grew up in the 90's and are obsessed with Gary Oldman directed films starring Meg Ryan, John Cusack, Kelsey Grammer, and Christopher Lloyd... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNj53-mu7xw)

Yes yes... Animated movies about Russia... 

Now, if you've seen the movie or heard the story of the last surviving member of the Russian Royal family, Anastasia, then you may or may not be aware that Rasputin was a monk. A slightly psychotic monk.

Here goes the story:

The country was at war, a horrible bloody massacre of a war. Every able bodied man was needed to fight and defend the homeland... including the present king. So he packed up his things and went to battle with his people.

This left the queen very alone. And scared, because her child, the only heir to the throne, was very sick. with hemophilia (a condition in which your blood does not clot and a small cut could mean that the afflicted would bleed out and die). The queen had tried everything to get her baby healthy (not to mention not bleeding anymore), and of course, nothing worked. Even today in modern western civilization, there isn't really a "cure" for the condition, just clotting agents that would help with the bleeding. However, the queen called upon the good Rasputin to help the child. After a few hours with the afflicted, Rasputin got the child to stop bleeding. Completely. The kid was cured. He never bled heavily again. Wow.

No one knows what he did, but Rasputin did it. 

Obviously, the queen was ecstatic. She invited him to stay in the palace for all his good work. She went so far as to start consulting him for big decisions while her husband, the king, was at war. 

Mind you, this guy is disgusting. Inside and out. But because of his talents, the queen was infatuated. Some might speculate that there was some little affair going on as well... which I don't like to think about because its just so gross.

Now, After a few months, Rasputin began to overstay his welcome. He was making executive decisions, in a manner that referred to himself as the new king.. He did whatever he wanted, ordered servants around and slept with many women. And of course, the queen was fine with this. He saved her child after all. 

Eventually, the rest of the royal court had had enough. The queen would not kick him out, so they had to take matters into their own hands.... a.k.a. kill him.

SO! brilliant plan. He eats all the time and is extremely indulgent... Have the servants prepare a smorgesboard  of goodies. Muffins, cookies, meat, cheese, wine... you name it. Now because none of the servants knew what he would take, they poisoned it all. So. Much. Poison. In. So. Much. Food. They gave him the feast, closed his door, and waited.

He ate a lot of it.

A short while later, some men went to go check on him.



He was still merrily eating. Totally fine.

Of course, they were astounded, and brought a gun the next time they checked on him, to finish the job.

They shot once.



He was startled and fell. The men left, glad to be rid of the man. As they were leaving his chamber though....

He started running down the hall behind them.


They shot again.


And again.


And again.


And he started to climb up the fence on the outskirts of the castle to escape. They shot him many times in the back as he climbed.

Im pretty sure he was shot something like 7 times before he finally fell into the moat around the castle, finally dead.

BUT WAIT. THERE'S MORE.

At the autopsy, the real kicker, they found that Rasputin died..... of...... drowning. DROWNING. Not the poison, not the gunshot wounds, but drowning in the moat.

The animated movie does a pretty good job at hinting at this, in that parts of Rasputin's body continue to fall off and have to be reattached continually. He was a man supposed to be kept alive almost artificially. Or maybe by the spirits and gods that he worshiped. We don't know. But he would not die. And somehow he was forgotten in history.

Tuesday Ramblings

"Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood morning!"
~Said no one in my room ever.

Needless to say, sharing a room with 2 other teenage (or adult now I suppose, now that both of their birthdays have come and gone) girls can lead to some.... um.... not-so-morning-person-moments... mostly from me. Yes, Im cranky. IM SORRY VICKY AND CARA. But still. Having classes first in the morning leads to some interesting perspectives on things.

1) I get to have any cereal that I want. No one is awake to stop me. So I stole some Corn Pops (tm) this morning. Sue me. I dare you.

2) I can just stare out the window for many minutes... half waiting for snow, half appreciating the lovely view of Crockett Hall and the occasional passerby. I don't know why exactly, but it is peaceful.

Then my cell phone alarm brings me back to my room and responsibilities and I realize I have to get ready.


I saw my breath this morning. For the second time this year. That is exciting.
Again, I couldn't say why, but it gave me hope for the goodness of today. Armed with the hebrew alphabet written on my left arm in sharpie marker and a fundamental understanding of calculus, I faced the outdoors.